


First Impressions and Second Chances

by PhantomEngineer



Series: Shall I Compare Thee... [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-12-22 05:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11960370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomEngineer/pseuds/PhantomEngineer
Summary: In which a magical trip through fiction makes Severus wonder if maybe he’s being a little harsh in his judgement of the Marauders, and maybe it would be fair to extend an olive branch of peace to give them a second chance. First impressions can often be misleading. Elements of Snupin and Snack, as well as some Jily, but so minor I'm being extremely generous in even mentioning it. Canon compliant. Quite silly, really as well as probably a little out of character due to the blending of characters. Severus has many nasty thoughts about virtually everyone, and regularly wishes violent deaths on them. (Harry Potter crossover with Pride and Prejudice).





	1. Chapter 1

Severus considered his surroundings. He was fairly confident he had been reading in a secluded corner of the Hogwarts library. This was most definitely not the Hogwarts library. He was still reading, just now he was outside. He was also wearing a dress. It was still a book of poems in his hands. He closed it and looked around. This seemed like a prank by the Marauders. He wasn’t quite sure what the point of it was, given that he appeared to be entirely alone. A dress wasn’t even that different from robes, really. He was aware at this stage that most purebloods couldn’t reliably tell the difference. It was, however, most definitely a dress. An old-fashioned dress.

He looked down at himself and noted that he also appeared to have breasts. It seemed rather advanced for fifth years. He wondered idly if maybe the book of poems had been cursed. He gave some consideration to his genitalia. It made no sense for the Marauders to have changed him into a woman, put him in a dress and then not be around to do something. With no other option, he continued walking the way he had been heading before he became aware of his location. He seemed to be lacking his wand, in more ways than one, but he felt he was taking this revelation remarkably well.

He arrived at a reasonably sized house, considerably grander than the poky house in Spinner’s End. He could hear laughter from inside. He hesitated for a moment, then headed in to the yard.

“Severus!” a familiar voice cried out, and he saw Lily giving him a wave from the doorway. She, like him, was wearing an old-fashioned empire-line dress. While his was a plain brown, hers was a pale blue. She was still a woman, a thought he’d never previously considered thinking before. Somehow, it seemed like a relevant point to note.

“Have you been out walking and reading again?” Lily asked with a playful smile, “Just when there’s something worth gossiping about. What am I to do when my most sensible sister is gone?” she took his hand and drew him inwards.

Sister, Severus considered. He had always thought of her as a sister, but he’d never previously seen himself as her sister. Either the Marauders had crafted an incredibly complicated spell or he had been reading a cursed poetry book. A distant part of his brain was impressed. Another section of his brain wanted to know how he could undo it and get back home.

Lily drew him towards two other girls, younger than he or Lily, who were giggling in the drawing room.

“Severus, have you heard?” one of them cried out in delight. In the background, another girl was ignoring all the commotion and playing the piano. Her name was Mary, but Severus would only learn that later. The music was rather soothing, but Severus did also have an extremely limited knowledge of the piano and subsequently very little taste in classical music.

“Of course she hasn’t, she’s been walking,” Lily replied, “Honestly Lydia,”

Severus noted the name. These three would appear to be his other sisters.

“There’s a new tenant at Netherfield!” the other girl, who Severus would later discover was called Kitty, exclaimed.

“Mr Potter,” Lily supplied, to Severus’s considerable horror. Either the horror didn’t show in his reactions, or no one noticed, because the conversation continued regardless. This situation was connected to the Marauders. Somehow. He wasn’t just being paranoid.

Lily, judging by her demeanour, was entirely oblivious to the fact that she was supposed to be at Hogwarts, that Potter was a toerag and that Severus was generally speaking considered to be a boy. The fact that he and Lily looked nothing alike, and that neither of them looked particularly like the three girls who were allegedly their sisters was another minor detail that helped suggest to Severus that his memories of Hogwarts were real and that this was a bizarre illusion.

Potter, it would appear, was considered just as rich and handsome here as he had been considered at Hogwarts. It was almost sickening. In a confused daze, Severus passively let the situation wash over him. He appeared to be entirely helpless to do anything. It was probably a strange dream, he reasoned. He’d wake up soon. That was what he told himself over the next few days, as each morning he awoke in the bed he shared with Lily and the house grew more and more excited about the upcoming ball to be held in the town. It was with this confused acceptance that he allowed himself to be dressed up nicely, with Lily braiding his hair into what she assured him was a very fetching and stylish fashion.

The hall was decorated sparsely, and crammed full of men and women dressed in what was undoubtably their finest clothing. Severus was wearing a very fetching green dress, with ribbons in his hair. It was not a look he had ever worn before, but Lily had assured him that he was beautiful and that all the men would be clamouring for his hand in marriage. Severus wasn’t entirely convinced he wanted that, but he’d accepted the compliment for what it was worth. He still looked like himself. He had checked in a mirror. His hair was longer than it had been, long enough to be pinned up and laced through with ribbons. His face still featured a large hooked nose. He looked remarkably like himself, if he had been female. It was faintly disconcerting, but without magic or a clue to how to get home, Severus felt it best to just let whatever was happening play out. He was watching closely. The party seemed like a good opportunity, if Potter was there. 

Interestingly, it would appear that his body, in addition to being female, knew how to dance. He danced a few dances with some men, and it was a pleasantly fun experience. Lily proved to be far more popular than he was, however. He could understand that, she was not only glowingly beautiful but also incredibly kind. That sort of goodness shone through in her radiant smile. It was one of the many things he loved about her. In a lull in the dancing, when both he and Lily were sitting by the sides watching the gaiety. Lily was laughing at some of his sarcastic jibes about the various people they could see and Severus was actually rather enjoying himself.

The attention of everyone in the hall suddenly went to the doorway, and so too did his gaze. There stood Potter and Black. They were older than his memories considered them to be, but then again so were he and Lily, though clearly not by as much. Both Potter and Black appeared to be resolutely male. They were by far the most well-dressed occupants of the hall. He tensed up, feeling vulnerable without his wand. He felt like this was whatever the prank had been leading up to, that in a few moments he would suffer some hideous humiliation at their hands.

They strode into the room. Nothing happened.

The dancing and the joy of the party resumed seamlessly as Lily dragged Severus along behind their parents. Severus went reluctantly, still convinced something awful was about to happen and feeling deeply exposed. He looked unwillingly at the two Marauders, and they looked back, no hint of recognition in their expressions.

Severus felt himself relax instantly. He let the introductions wash over him. He curtseyed neatly, sharing a slight wince with Lily at their mother. It would appear that she had a tendency towards not only being extraordinarily overdramatic within the confines of their home, but also tended towards being embarrassing in public. Potter, seemed to mostly ignore everything, focusing entirely on Lily, much as he had started to do back at Hogwarts. Lily, unlike the girl he had known at Hogwarts, accepted his requests for a dance with a smile. 

Severus found himself sitting with girl from the neighbourhood, a perfectly pleasant woman named Charlotte who proved to have a decent sense of humour, watching warily as Lily danced a significant number of dances with Potter. It would appear that this Potter was not intending to do anything malicious, as he had merely given Severus a vague smile and nothing more, but Severus still found it hard to trust any of the Marauders. He also kept his eye out for Black, who mostly skulked about it the corner of the room, not dancing or speaking to anyone.

“Mr Black is rather handsome, isn’t he?” Charlotte said, promptly demoting herself in Severus’s estimations.

“Is he?” Severus answered petulantly. Sirius Black’s looks were not something he particularly wanted to focus on. Good looks could not make up for the fact that he was an arrogant, bullying wanker.

Charlotte gave him a look, “He’s rich,” she added.

That, if anything, annoyed Severus more. He knew that Black was rich and handsome, that wasn’t exactly news to him. Black was also a cockwomble but no one mentioned that because they were all blinded by the charm and cash flow. If he’d had the option of submerging Black in the deep-fat friers of the local chippy in Cokeworth and deep-frying him to death, he would have gladly done so. Lily would undoubtably disapprove of that sentiment and probably call him mean, but he didn’t really care. He felt it was justified.

Potter, who had released Lily from his clutches for a brief rest, was standing with Black dangerously close to him and Charlotte. Close enough that they could hear their conversation.

“Isn’t she just the most beautiful thing ever?” Potter was saying, “This is a rather remarkable ball, I’m really having quite a good time,”

“That,” Black said grumpily, “Is because you are monopolising just about the only passable creature in the room. Dancing is so very common, especially when the selection of ladies is so miserably uninspiring,”

Severus and Charlotte shared offended looks. Severus wasn’t entirely sure why he was offended, given that he was well aware of the fact that he was not particularly good looking, the fact that Black had made considerably more insulting remarks regarding his aforementioned lack of good looks and indeed the minor point that a part of him still resolutely held on to the belief that he was in fact a boy rather than a woman so shouldn’t even be considering himself in the category of women-folk in the first place.

“Her sister was pleasant enough,” Potter said, “Miss Severus, I think,” and Severus was actually more offended by this than any insult. Being judged to be tolerably attractive by James Potter was not something he had ever imagined overhearing.

“She does not tempt me,” Black replied dismissively, and Severus saw Charlotte’s face contort in anger at the slight to Severus’s feminine charms. Severus was incredibly impressed with the way in which he didn’t leap up and whack Black over the head with the chair he was sitting on. Instead, he drew himself up and smiled resolutely at Charlotte.

“He’s an arrogant toerag and I suspect I would rather be lit on fire than dance with him,” he reassured Charlotte before she took too much offence on his behalf. He didn’t like Black, and the casual insults Black was dishing out simply proved him to be right. Even if Black was not outright attacking him, he was still behaving like an overprivileged arse who was God’s gift to women.

He thought the two Marauders had left, so was alarmed when Charlotte gave him a subtle kick and he looked up to find himself being asked to dance by Potter. His mind said no. His mind added in a few choice swear words, a rude hand gesture and a swift kick to the balls. His mouth, on the other hand, said yes. In the interests of general peace, his mind had to admit that it was the correct answer. Potter hadn’t exactly done anything to him yet, to his knowledge.

The dance was not particularly enjoyable, as Severus spent the vast majority of the time waiting for Potter to trip him up or do something nasty. But to his confusion and surprise, Potter lead him in a gentlemanly fashion, with an almost idiotically cheerful smile. Severus had discovered that he liked dancing. Black, he concluded with little difficulty, was clearly an absolute moron. Potter was potentially less awful than he had initially assumed, though it was still early days.

He was not, however, particularly impressed with how quickly Lily appeared to be smitten with Potter.

“You’re too nice,” he told her pointedly, as they whispered to each other under the covers of the bed they shared, “You think well of everyone,”

It was true. He did admire Lily’s ability to see the best in everyone, but the idea of her seeing all of the good in Potter without knowing the bad that Severus knew was hidden beneath that charming smile worried him.

“You’re always so critical,” Lily said affectionately. In that way, he thought, nothing really had changed. She had always said that he was mean, cruel and quick to dislike people when they had been at Hogwarts. He still remembered Hogwarts, though he could see no way to get back. He wondered, as Lily fell asleep, if maybe it had just been a very intense dream. In many ways, it didn’t matter. Whatever it was, he was helpless and had no way of changing his situation. His father didn’t mind him reading all the books in the library, so he didn’t miss the library at Hogwarts too much, though sadly here there was no magic. He had tried to levitate something using just his mind, remembering how he had been able to do so as a child, but nothing had happened. He was with Lily, which made everything better. His mother and sisters appeared to be ridiculously silly, but they were still an improvement on the parents he’d had in Cokeworth. The house, despite the lack of mod cons, was a considerably pleasanter place to live in than the house in Spinner’s End that he’d grown up in. So all in all, despite the strange situation and the fact that he appeared to be back in time, Severus was actually a lot more sanguine about it than he really should have been.

His temper was tested when Lily was invited by Potter’s sister to dine with her, and their mother sent her to Netherfield on horseback in the rain. Lily had accepted this sadly, but Severus had argued against this for hours, and proceeded to glare at the rain once Lily had left. He was summarily furious when they received a letter informing them that she had fallen ill as a consequence of the rain, and further annoyed by the fact that their mother had been delighted at the news as it suited her match-making efforts.

In a fury, once the rain had eased, he set out to Netherfield himself, walking angrily through the mud and muttering a selection of curses that good young ladies should not know, but that bad boys from Cokeworth were perfectly fluent in. He wished he had access to magic, or even the chance to make some potions. He kept his eyes out for any useful ingredients, but there was not much available. Feverfew was the only exception and he picked that to take with him in the hope that he might be able to make something useful from it. Visiting an ill Lily was definitely preferable to staying in the same room with their mother or having to listen to Kitty and Lydia witter on about the militia who had come to town (he suspected that his younger sisters had nothing between their ears). At least Mary mostly just played the piano in a miserable fashion, though occasionally she would talk too and that tended to be unbearable. Without Lily the temptation to murder his family was simply too much. Besides, he was genuinely worried about her.

A good stomp through the woodlands made Severus feel better about the world in general. The scenery was beautiful, but unfortunately for the scenery, Severus didn’t care. He was so entirely focused on his trek and goal of caring for Lily that he almost walked right into Black, who was standing on the lawns of Netherfield. Black looked somewhat startled. Severus was suddenly aware that the hem of his dress was caked in mud, before drawing himself up proudly. He didn’t care about the state of his hem, or what Black thought. He wouldn’t mind rolling Black down a muddy hill, but that was a fantasy for later.

“I’m here to see my sister, Lily,” he told Black. Black seemed to be floored, staring at him with a strange look that Severus couldn’t quite make out.

“Would you escort me to her?” he asked, when Black failed to respond. He’d always considered Black to be somewhat intellectually deficient, but this implied a greater deficiency than he’d initially assumed.

“Of course,” Black answered finally, proving that he was capable of both thought and speech. He led Severus into the house and Severus was extraordinarily relieved when he was finally at Lily’s bedside.

The time he spent with Lily, nursing her back to health was a joy, though he would have preferred her to not be ill. Any time spent with Lily was a delight, she was simply the most lovely person he had ever met. He was glad that here they were sisters. In contrast, the time he spent with the other occupants of the house was considerably less enjoyable. Potter proved to be mildly tolerable, mainly because he mostly asked after Lily and worried over her. Black was a constant looming menace. Potter’s sisters, one unmarried and one married to the possibly most boring man on the planet, were a combination of deeply insipid with a considerably overinflated sense of their own worth. He suffered through their combined company, biting down on his tongue to prevent himself being bodily removed from Netherfield. Lily was more important.


	2. Chapter 2

The peace that Severus felt upon Lily recovering and returning to Longbourn proved to be short lived. He had mostly accepted this new if entirely unexpected chapter of his life, wondering more often than not if his memories of Hogwarts were not in fact a bizarre dream. He was fairly confident that Severus was a rather masculine name to give to a girl, but he did acknowledge that their father appeared to be faintly eccentric and their mother appeared to lack anything remotely resembling common sense so it was entirely possible.

The appearance of their cousin, a Mr Pettigrew, whose arrival was announced by a letter and who proved to be an exact replica of the Peter Pettigrew (albeit older) he vaguely recalled from his Hogwarts memories, was not appreciated. The annoyance at learning that Pettigrew stood to inherit the estate after their father’s death rankled with Severus, and the man himself proved to be an irritant. Severus found that he couldn’t make eye contact with Lily when the man spoke, for the frequency with which he pontificated about his patron, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, made them prone to giggles. He was, for the most part, harmless though. The manner in which he sucked up to those more powerful than himself disgusted Severus, who had tended to do as he pleased regardless of the consequences, but he could at the very least acknowledge that it was a sensible technique for those lacking talent or power themselves. The fact that he seemed to be entirely detached from Potter and Black meant that rather than disliking them as a group, he instead got the chance to judge Pettigrew on his own.

His judgement was not necessarily kind, but as Lily reminded him regularly, he wasn’t kind. He was mean. He was sarcastic. He would never find a husband if he continued along those lines. The last one was not one he had been told in his previous existence at Hogwarts, but it was now an issue. He still felt that it was probably better to die a penniless spinster than to marry any of the men he had met so far. 

His opinion of his silly sisters increased greatly after one particularly painful walk into town, where Pettigrew spoke to him constantly. Severus was entirely unaware of what the conversation was about, as it was so incredibly dull. The only thing he managed to glean from it was that Pettigrew had some kind of obsession with a woman named Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and had the legal system been structured differently he might have considered reporting him to the police as a stalker. He briefly contemplated pushing Pettigrew into the river as they passed by, but held back in the knowledge that if he did so, Lily would look disappointed. She did want him to try harder with the being nice thing. He gritted his teeth and smiled in a way that he intended to be pleasant, but probably looked more like a death grimace.

Never had he been more grateful to enter a ribbon shop, than when it became apparent that Pettigrew would be leaving the sisters alone to do their shopping. He had very little interest in ribbons, but they were infinitely more interesting than anything that came out of Pettigrew’s mouth. When Lupin entered the ribbon shop with a man named Denny that Lydia clearly knew, Severus’s heart sank. He’d just escaped Pettigrew, only to find himself face to face with the final Marauder. It was the literal definition of unfair.

Politely, whilst simultaneously fantasising about hogtying Lupin with ribbons, Severus accepted the introductions. Lupin was with the militia, which rather explained the military uniform. Sadly, the militia were stationed nearby, which both greatly reduced the chances of Lupin being killed in a war and greatly increased the chances that they would meet again. To his disgust, Lupin proved to be surprisingly pleasant, even charming, in addition to rather handsome. Mentally, Severus shoved a roll of ribbon into his mouth and tried not to consider that Lupin was possibly the nicest of the Marauders. It wasn’t exactly glowing praise, given how low his opinion of them all was.

His horror at the day only increased when they stepped out of the shop, Lupin smiling in an obnoxiously friendly manner beside him, to see Potter and Black on horseback. Even with Pettigrew nowhere in sight, three Marauders were far too many for Severus’s liking. But then again, one Marauder was one too many, so once again as Lily had repeatedly told him, he was undoubtably being unfair. Lupin was, Lily had insisted back at Hogwarts, tolerable when alone. Severus didn’t personally think that tolerable when alone was a particularly glowing endorsement, but he also did feel that Lupin lacked any positive features whatsoever so Lily was still being kinder than him.

However, to his surprise, Lupin and Black appeared to be giving each other looks that hinted at a certain enmity. Potter’s attention was entirely fixated on Lily, so an anachronistic nuclear warhead could have been detonated up his arse and he would no doubt be none the wiser. Potter and Black, to his relief and Lily’s disappointment, did not stay to make conversation, though Potter did not seem to be the one to make the decision. Presumably if Potter made any decisions they would involve gazing longingly at Lily. Severus found his opinion of Lupin increasing, along with a faint thrill of interest. He wondered what it was that lay between Black and Lupin, what it was that had transpired to lead to such a reaction. Either way, it would appear that Lupin might work as an anti-Black charm, which was always beneficial.

The reason, Severus was to discover at a small party hosted by one of their neighbours a few days after their first meeting. He was wearing his hair in a rather elegant braid, and was now rather proud of how good he had become at styling it. His dress was modest but perfectly attractive. Lily was still the most beautiful of the sisters by far, but Severus felt confident in himself. He had never felt pretty before, in his Hogwarts existence. Having managed to foist Pettigrew off onto an unsuspecting group playing whist, Lupin had taken a seat by him and they had begun a surprisingly pleasant conversation.

“Miss Severus Snape,” Lupin said with his easy-going smile that only made Severus want to shove him into an industrial sized blender slightly, “You do look charming tonight,”

Severus blushed. It was an unfortunate subconscious reaction. Lupin, he accepted, was potentially alright when alone. He thought he was being positively generous in admitting as much. 

In an effort to distract Lupin, he asked as casually and politely as he could, “Tell me, Mr Lupin, but I couldn’t help but notice the way you looked at Mr Black the other day. Do forgive my prying, but do you have history?”

Any malicious gossip about Black was undoubtably worth hearing, and he would gladly be called charming by Lupin whilst hearing it.

Lupin looked away sadly, a distant expression on his face. With a sigh, he said, “I’ve known him since birth. We were practically brothers. My father was his steward, you see. The old Mr Black was a great man, kind and wise. He loved me as if I were his own son. His actual son, on the other hand…”

He trailed off, almost as if he were unwilling to speak ill of Black. Severus nearly snarled in frustration, but luckily Lupin continued.

“Tell me, are you much acquainted with the man?” he asked.

“No,” Severus replied bluntly, “Barely spoken more than a handful of words to him since he arrived on the scene the other month. He hasn’t exactly been making himself popular, what with being a stuck up knob,”

Lupin gave a laugh at that, and continued with his tale of woe, “Of course, when his father died all of the inheritance I had been promised, the career… Well his son refuse to honour those promises. Jealous I presume. Turned me out with nothing to my name before his father was even cold in the ground,”

Severus smiled gleefully. That was rather nasty of Black. He was however somewhat disappointed when Lupin added, “Of course, I do not like it to get around too much what he did. His social standing is far superior to mine. But rest assured his presence here will not chase me away. Should he wish to avoid me, then he can do so freely,”

It was the only thing of any interest to happen during the entire party. When they were at home again, Severus gleefully told Lily every detail. Lily was suitably horrified at how cruel and ungentlemanly Black was.

“Oh, that can’t be true,” she protested, “He’s arrogant and unpleasant, but surely he can’t be that bad? Severus, how can you be so certain that Mr Lupin isn’t embellishing the truth?”

Severus didn’t need any help to think nasty thoughts about Black, though he did point out in a manner that he considered to be quite sensible, “What reason would he have to make anything up? He gave clear, precise details. It seems entirely likely to me,”

The next party proved to be a ball at Netherfield, hosted to his younger sisters’ delight by Potter. Severus was almost starting to enjoy the balls, as well as the chance to dress up in his finery. It was not a thought he had previously considered it likely he would ever have, but when he had been a student at Hogwarts a lot had been different. He was now fairly well adjusted to his new life, and it was only his lingering wariness to the Marauders that remained. Even that had mostly faded, as both Potter and Lupin had proven themselves to be relatively inoffensive, and Pettigrew whilst being deeply irritating was entirely unthreatening. Black was the only one that really held his dislike, but it was a safe dislike. He felt no threat from Black anymore, which was helpful.

This ball proved to be rather disappointing, for all the grand decor. Severus’s hair was in a truly elegant style, with ribbons and beads, which he was really rather proud of. If he had to judge, he would say it was most definitely pretty. Potter was a gracious host, and almost obnoxiously polite to Severus. Mostly, his attentions were entirely focused on the arduous task of being hopelessly in love with Lily.

The entire militia had been invited, so Severus looked around the rooms hopeful of finding Lupin. With Lupin beside him he would likely be able to avoid Black, as well as potentially hearing more vindictive scraps of information. As it transpired, however, Lupin had not appeared, despite his fighting words. It was almost strange how disappointed Severus found himself feeling at that realisation. 

The party having proved itself to be thus lacking, the dancing got off to a bad start with Severus having to dance with Pettigrew. Pettigrew was not by nature a graceful dancer, and Severus longed to batter him to death with the cello being played by one of the band members. Sadly, no one was aware of his impressive self-restraint so no one complimented him on it. He did however get many sympathetic glances from Lily, who was being monopolised by Potter. At least, Severus thought bitterly as his foot was trodden on, Potter was a better dancer.

Whilst avoiding any further dances with Pettigrew, he took the opportunity to tell Charlotte what Lupin had told him. At the end of a positively malicious rant about Black that Charlotte bore remarkably well, Black had the audacity to appear and ask him to dance. Severus was so shocked, that he found himself agreeing.

He briefly considered launching himself bodily out of the window in an effort to avoid this task, but ultimately decided that it was probably best to simply suffer through it. He wouldn’t have minded launching Black bodily out the window as an alternative, but he rationalised that he probably didn’t have the physical strength required. He had survived the dances with Pettigrew. Black proved to be a considerably better dancer, which at least Severus’s feet appreciated. The rest of the ball continued to be dire, and for the first time Severus was actually glad to go home. 

That night he complained at great length to Lily about his deep dislike for both Black and Pettigrew. Lily rolled her eyes at his petty comments, but was grateful that he had nothing particularly mean to say about Potter. Lily did seem to be rather enchanted by Potter, and Severus was reluctantly accepting that maybe Potter wasn’t too bad. Black was clearly a bad influence. Potter at the very least was capable of being polite and seemed to be kind to Lily. He was rich and made Lily happy, so maybe he would make an adequate husband for her. If only there was a way to separate him from Black, that would be a definite improvement.

The next morning proved to be possibly the worst one of his life thus far. Having spent the last few days mostly zoning every single word Pettigrew ever spoke out, he found himself being ushered into a one on one conversation with him by his mother in the drawing room. This indicated that he might actually have to listen for once, an experience that would no doubt be painful. 

“My dear Cousin Severus,” Pettigrew started, to Severus’s abject horror. He was most definitely not anyone’s dear, and especially not Pettigrew’s.

“I’m sure that my attentions and intentions have been quite clear to you,” he continued, to which Severus could honestly answer that they really weren’t, mainly due to the fact that he had ignored Pettigrew so thoroughly that he wasn’t entirely sure what the man had done except tread on Severus’s poor feet.

“And I find myself quite certain of your feelings,” Pettigrew told him. That gave Severus a brief moment of hope, as that did greatly increase the chances of Pettigrew setting himself on fire, though personally Severus would rather he did it outside the house as it would be a nuisance if the house burnt down. Unfortunately, it transpired that Pettigrew was not actually as certain of Severus’s feelings as he believed, and Severus was sorely disappointed when rather than dying in a grisly manner Pettigrew started listing his reasons for marriage.

“I do feel that one in my position should really be married, and as a consequence it would only be fitting for me to do so. Given that after your father’s death I shall inherit this rather fine estate, I do believe it to be good of me to chose my bride from my dear lady cousins. Lady Catherine de Bourgh has so encouraged me to seek a wife, and I would hate to disappoint my patron,” Pettigrew said, to Severus’s confusion.

“I am sure you will be a perfectly adequate wife for me,” Pettigrew finished. Severus felt he deserved some credit for not throwing up on Pettirgrew’s shoes at the realisation that he was being proposed to.

“What, wait, no?” he said inelegantly, his mind unhelpfully providing a horror-film-esque depiction of what his future life as Mrs Pettigrew might look like. Realistically, he admitted, it would last an hour maximum, as he would undoubtably kill either Pettigrew or himself out of tedium.

Pettigrew frowned slightly at this, before continuing, “I do of course know that young ladies such as yourself like to toy with a man’s affections, saying no initially only to hide your own deep love,”

Severus moved further away from Pettigrew, who was now kneeling on the floor.

“No, no, no. Hell no, there is nothing on this earth that could possibly convince me to marry you, you odious prick,” Severus said more clearly now. That seemed to get the message across, and Severus fled the room. 

As he opened the door to make his undignified escape, it became apparent that his mother and sisters had all been eavesdropping through the door. His mother was deeply distressed by his response, which Severus did not regret in the slightest. He wanted to return to his life at Hogwarts now, where there was no chance of him marrying Pettigrew. Lydia and Kitty were laughing hysterically, and Lily was trying her best not to be too obvious in her amusement at Severus’s manner of turning down the proposal. It was possibly not quite as lady-like as would be ideal, but Severus probably wasn’t going to be winning any awards for most ladylike woman of the year anyway. It wasn’t normally taught to teenage boys.

He hid away in his father’s study as his mother rushed hysterically around the house. She attempted repeatedly to get him to change his mind to accept Pettigrew’s proposal, but Severus was resolute. To his immense relief, his father appeared to agree that Pettigrew was a braindead insipid excuse for a human being and fully supported his decision not to become his bride.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus was horrified the next day when Kitty and Lydia returned from a gossip-gathering shopping trip to town bearing the news that Charlotte Lucas, who until that moment he’d considered to be a relatively sensible woman, had agreed to marry Pettigrew. His younger sisters seemed amused at the news, giggling in delight. This was possibly through sadism, as they’d spent enough time with Pettigrew to have an idea of how unbelievably boring he was, and the thought of anyone being subjected to that by willingly marrying him struck Severus as a particularly cruel existence.

“But why?” he asked Lily in confusion later, when they were alone.

She patiently continued embroidering, saying only, “Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean he may not be perfectly suitable for another woman,”

“Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to having to listen to his conversation on a regular basis? He’s the most boring man on the planet,” Severus insisted, pacing around the room in annoyance. He didn’t want to think too much about the way in which he felt slightly offended that within such a short span of time Pettigrew had gone from begging for his hand in marriage to proposing to someone else. He didn’t want Pettigrew’s affections, but it was still a bit of a wound to his pride that Pettigrew had moved on seemingly within a matter of hours.

“You can be so harsh in your judgements, Severus,” Lily chastised gently, her warm green eyes providing a subtle rebuke, “People can be better than your first impression of them, but you so rarely give them a chance. One day you may regret your overly hasty judgements. You aren’t always right, you know,”

Severus glared at her and flopped inelegantly down in a chair, arms crossed and sulking. Lily, being perfectly used to his antics, continued her stitching with no comment. Severus grumpily considered whether or not Lily’s judgement could be considered sound in such matters, given that she appeared to be in love with Potter. He considered this. Potter, he would admit, grudgingly and probably only under actual torture, was slightly more appealing. Pettigrew was obnoxious, self-important and dull. Potter was at least aesthetically pleasing and rich. He supposed, even more grudgingly and feeling as if he’d probably rather have his toenails removed with pliers than admit it to anyone, that this incarnation of Potter was potentially a reasonably decent person, unlike the Potter he remembered from Hogwarts (or his bizarre dream, he hadn’t quite figured out what it was, the only thing he knew for certain was that he was stuck where he was and there was nothing he could do about it).

His reluctant endorsement was put to test not long after the unpleasant realisation by Lily receiving a letter from Potter’s sister. He’d had two, Severus vaguely recalled, but if his life depended on telling them apart he’d still just have to hope and point at random. She, in words that Severus quickly judged to be snooty, informed Lily that the entire party had left Netherfield and were heading to London with little chance of ever returning. She had included a fantastically cruel reference to Black’s younger sister, who she clearly hoped her brother would marry. This young Regulus was apparently a wonder so amazing that the sun virtually shone out of her arse, though Severus was admittedly paraphrasing.

“He doesn’t love me,” Lily said sadly, “See, Caroline is kindly letting me know that he is indifferent at best to me,” 

She looked so forlorn that Severus’s heart almost broke. He couldn’t quite believe the words he was about to say, and a part of him rather wished there were more pleasant options like disembowelling, but for Lily’s sake he ploughed forward.

“No, Caroline Potter is a cow. A vindictive, jealous cow. Mr Potter almost certainly loves you, given the ridiculous expression on his face whenever he lays eyes on you, and besides any man who doesn’t love you is obviously just plain wrong. She has seen this and has stolen him away to try and make him change his mind for some petty little reason I cannot fathom,” he said firmly. It may not have been the most generous manner of convincing her, but she seemed to appreciate it nonetheless.

“I don’t want to believe that she could be so nasty,” Lily said reluctantly, putting the letter down with a sigh.

“Well I do,” Severus said with absolutely no shame. He had no problem believing the worst of people. Generally speaking, he ended up vindicated so he felt no reason to stop, “Go to London to visit our aunt and uncle, and then call on them. Mr Potter will be delighted and it’ll be a nice little up yours to the snooty Miss Potter,”

Lily frowned at his slightly vulgar turn of phrase, but ultimately over the course of a few days he won and she was sent off to London. 

Once she’d left, Severus realised to his horror that he was now left alone with the rest of his sisters, none of whom understood sarcasm or words longer than two syllables. His father, quite sensibly, had sequestered himself away in his study. Severus did not have that luxury, though he did attempt to hide away in corners to read any books he could. Was he too harsh in his judgements, he wondered to himself, again and again, the thoughts going round in circles. He wasn’t that bad, surely. Despite his misgivings, he actually rather liked Lupin who had proved to be a rather nice chap. He was giving Potter the full benefit of the doubt. Charlotte he had forgiven for the dreadful bad taste of marrying Pettigrew, as he accepted that maybe she could see no alternative and everyone had to do what they felt was necessary for survival. Black was a dick, he’d had that confirmed enough that he felt it was effectively fact and Pettigrew truly was boring. He felt he was being almost generous in his assessments of everyone’s character. Lily was just too nice, he decided.

Lupin and two of his chums, the ones that Kitty and Lydia kept squealing over whose names Severus had never paid much attention to, paid a visit to Longbourn, to everyone’s delight and Severus was quite pleased to see that Lupin was a continuing to be a reasonably decent person. So much for him being too hasty in his judgements, he thought proudly. Everyone liked Lupin. He was the best Marauder. After Lupin’s rather engaging conversation, much of it about how much of an awful person Black was, Severus was even feeling generous enough to rate Potter as a close second in the all-time rankings of the Marauders. If Lily liked him then maybe with some guidance he would be a good husband for her. If he wasn’t, Severus could always saw off all his limbs. Severus supposed, if he had no other choice, he probably wouldn’t mind marrying Lupin too much. He was easy to look at and the conversation was pleasant. Clearly Black was a dark influence, but on his own Lupin was a decent person.

It was under this firm belief that he was considerably nicer than Lily gave him credit for that he set off for Kent, to visit Charlotte and her new husband Peter Pettigrew. At least Charlotte tended to provide decent conversation and the most he was getting was whenever he happened to meet Lupin, so Severus was rather looking forward to that. He was not looking forward to Pettigrew, but there was always a chance that he and Charlotte would be able to hack him up and bake him into a pie. Unlikely, but Severus did like to look on the bright side of things. Lily just didn’t appreciate his particular brand of optimism. Besides, he’d never been to Kent and was only vaguely aware of where it was so the chance to see a new place was at least moderately interesting.

He travelled with Charlotte’s father and sister, who he rated as mildly irritating and faintly insipid. Luckily, this meant that once they arrived at the parsonage where the Pettigrews lived, Severus was able to monopolise Charlotte, leaving her relatives to be shown the garden by Pettigrew. He had already been forced to listen to far too much about Lady Catherine de Bourgh and the wonderful Rosings Park, even despite his best efforts at tuning every single word Pettigrew ever uttered out.

“He does seem rather enthusiastic about the garden,” Severus commented, as he stood with Charlotte in a quiet parlour.

“Yes,” Charlotte replied, “And I do like to encourage him,”

“Very important to encourage healthy living,” Severus agreed, sharing a shadow of a smile with her.

“You know, I really am quite content,” Charlotte admitted, and Severus was surprised that he was faintly happy for her. He would not want her life for his own, but that she had managed to carve out an existence that she found tolerable gave him some hope of not dying in a ditch.

“We regularly dine at Rosings,” she warned him.

“So, I shall finally meet the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh,” he mused, “However am I to bear the excitement. I feel quite giddy with joy that I may finally bask in her presence,”

“I’m sure you will survive to be another devotee of our kind patron,” Charlotte answered, her voice as dry as his own.

He managed to survive. Pettigrew wittered on and on at far more length than anyone ever needed to about the windows of Rosings as they walked up the drive. Severus had never before cared less about windows. Why anyone cared how many windows a house had or how much they cost was honestly beyond him. Unfortunately, sarcasm flew right over Pettigrew’s head, much like most things, so every attempt by Severus to put an end to the conversation merely encouraged him more whilst simultaneously leading to Charlotte nearly choking to death with repressed laughter.

Lady Catherine proved to be a lady with a rather high opinion of herself, which set Severus’s teeth on edge. Watching Pettigrew interact with her made him feel faintly queasy, and it was quite disappointing that no one rewarded him for how polite he acted. Being looked down on had always annoyed him, and Lady Catherine appeared to consider everyone in the world her inferior. Respect was something people had to earn, being born into a rich and powerful family did not make her any better than him. 

“Do you have brothers or sisters?” she asked in her condescending manner.

“I’m the second of five sisters,” Severus told her, now quite used to this fact. This news did not appear to impress Lady Catherine much, but then again he didn’t think there was anything he could say or do that would.

“And how many of them are out?” she asked, a question that Severus understood to be referring to how many of them had been presented to society. In his vague memories of Hogwarts, the idea of being ‘out’ meant something entirely different.

“All of them,” he said with a smile and received a suitably horrified look from Lady Catherine. Pettigrew, he was rather pleased to note, look rather uncomfortable at the manner in which he was talking to Lady Catherine. There almost certainly wasn’t enough grovelling going on for his liking, but Severus despised grovelling.

“All of them?” she exclaimed, “How old is the youngest? All of you out with the elder sisters not even married?”

Severus shrugged, “Lydia is fifteen, but really I don’t think it would be fair for her to not be out. She’d be frustrated at having to wait just because the rest of us haven’t got married yet, and she’s of the temperament to do as she pleases. It would be a constant struggle leading to bad tempers,”

Judging by her facial expression, this was probably the first time in her long life that anyone had actually disagreed with Lady Catherine. It was probably good for her, Severus thought spitefully. While Mary would undoubtedly be perfectly happy never venturing out into society and spending all her time with her piano or Bible, Lydia would most definitely not. Kitty too loved balls and followed with delight every one of Lydia’s silly ideas. They might be very silly girls, Severus thought with a hint of affection, and prone to being faintly embarrassing, but they were his younger sisters and he felt rather protective of them. He wanted them to be happy. It was a strange sensation, he’d never really felt that way about anyone other than Lily before. He quite liked it.

The one joy of what proved to be regular trips to Rosings Park was that Severus caught a glimpse of Lady Catherine’s daughter, Bellatrix. Lupin had mentioned that Black was expected to marry her. Lady Catherine had described her as unfortunately sickly, though innately talented. Severus had felt her face to be in an expression permanently showing disdain towards the world along with a certain cruelty. The idea of her marrying Black made him want to laugh, though he managed to restrain himself until he was alone in bed so he didn’t have to explain himself to anyone. The idea of the two of them marrying promised to provide them both with a lifetime of misery, and Severus was perfectly happy admitting that he took pleasure in thinking of their shared suffering. Being nice to unpleasant people was a waste of time. Far better to enjoy any minuscule hint of misfortune that might befall them. Surely that was an optimistic way of looking at the world, even if it wasn’t necessarily kind.

As if spending time in the presence of Lady Catherine and Pettigrew on a regular basis wasn’t bad enough, the sole pleasure of spending some time with the reasonable sensible Charlotte was further ruined by Pettigrew excitedly informing them that both Black and his cousin, a Colonel Narcissa Black, were also visiting. Pettigrew was so excited at the news Severus genuinely thought there was a chance he would wet himself.

Bad things happen to good people, Severus tried to console himself, before remembering that he probably didn’t count as a very good person. To make matters worse, the Blacks had the audacity to call on them at the parsonage, so Severus didn’t have time to consider a method of getting out of meeting them, like faking his own death. However, to his surprise, Colonel Narcissa Black appeared to be a very pleasant man. Whilst Black sat in the parlour and effectively ignored them all, a looming, menacing dark cloud, Narcissa cheerfully sat by Severus and made conversation. Severus wondered why Black had indeed bothered to call on them, given that he was demonstrating the social graces and conversational ability of a three day old corpse.

“Miss Severus, it is truly a delight to finally meet you,” Narcissa said with a smile, “I have heard so much about you,”

“And yet you describe our meeting as a delight?” Severus asked, certain that not only did normal people actively not want to meet him, but that the only person who could have told Narcissa anything would be Black and therefore there was no chance of anything remotely positive. As they talked, Narcissa proved to be entertaining and witty, which Severus was rather delighted to discover. Narcissa likewise seemed to be rather pleased by having someone to talk to, given that his aunt was not keen on the concept of other people having opinions and Black appeared to have taken a vow of silence. Unfortunately, Severus could feel Black staring at him, which was truly an uncomfortable experience. He kept glancing up and finding that intense gaze fixed on him, and was certain that he’d be having nightmares about Black murdering him in his sleep. The alternative was of course that Black actually was going to murder him in his sleep, but Severus rather hoped not. It was one of those things that made nightmares seem considerably more attractive. When Black stood up to approach them, Severus almost flinched, but managed not to in time. Black was probably not going to murder him in a parlour surrounded by witnesses. He would just make a condescending comment. Or maybe stare at a closer distance. Severus wasn’t entirely sure if he understood men.

“Are your family well?” Black asked, shocking Severus almost speechless for a moment. That was actually a polite and cordial question, if he ignored the creepy staring and the complete lack of a preface to the question. Maybe Black was dying of some exotic diseases. Severus hoped it wasn’t contagious.

“They are,” he replied faintly, to which Black nodded, and walked off. Severus shared a confused look with Narcissa and made a mental note to himself to ensure his bedroom window was securely closed at night.

Black’s strange manner continued the next time they met, when Severus escaped Lady Catherine’s presence with Narcissa to consider the piano. Given that Severus’s general abilities with the piano extended no further than having a vague idea as to what a piano was, this consideration wasn’t particular detailed. Luckily the conversation was interesting, so as long as they played a few notes here and there they seemed to be getting away with avoiding everyone else, at least until Black slunk into Severus’s field of view and hovered over them like am ominous harbinger of doom.

“Tell me, what was my cousin like in Hertfordshire?” Narcissa asked curiously, glancing up with an amused expression at Black.

“Prepare to have your grand illusions shattered,” Severus warned, determined not to let Black’s presence put him off, “Because I can tell you that the first time I ever saw him it was at a ball, and despite the distinct lack of men and there being many ladies in sore need of partners, he barely danced. Is that not shockingly cruel behaviour?”

As damning depictions of Black’s character went, it wasn’t as bad as Severus could have said, but it was both an accurate comment and relatively polite. Severus had after all been one of the ladies with whom Black had not danced with on their first, fateful meeting. 

“Ah, now that truly is heinous,” Narcissa agreed, shaking his head sadly, “All those poor ladies,”

“I’m just not very good with talking to strangers,” Black protested, which very nearly made Severus snort with incredulity. He caught himself just in time, as he imagined Lady Catherine would almost certainly hear and comment on how incredibly unladylike it was. The idea of Black being in any way shy or not good with talking to people was ridiculous. He oozed charm to an almost smothering degree.

“Well,” Severus commented, “I’m not very good at playing the piano, but I accept that as being because I never bothered to practice,”

Black, judging by the look on his face, understood and accepted his point. The conversation might have continued along more bizarre lines, but for the first time Severus was grateful for Lady Catherine’s intervention in calling Black back to her side.

The oddness of Black’s behaviour showed itself again when Severus was writing an admittedly rather catty letter to Lily, in which he described the various people he had encountered in his visit, mostly in bad light. Narcissa and Charlotte were the exceptions to his critical assessments of everyone, and he had no doubt Lily would roll her eyes at some of the meaner comments. There was no one else at the parsonage, and he was rather enjoying the peace when Black invaded the house most abruptly, spoke a few words of a distracted greeting before leaving almost as abruptly. Severus was starting to get really confused. It was in this confused state that he set out for a walk to clear his head, checking carefully in case he was ambushed by Black. He wasn’t, which was lucky. Even more lucky was the fact that he ran into Narcissa.

“Colonel Narcissa,” he greeted him with a smile, “It’s a pleasure,”

It was. Normally when he said something like that he was either being sarcastic or flat out lying, but he did actually quite enjoy Narcissa’s company.

“Miss Severus,” Narcissa replied, “The pleasure is all mine. You are one of the bright spots of my visit,”

“Do you intend to stay long?” he asked, feeling flattered despite himself.

Narcissa shrugged, “It is entirely up to Black, I am entirely at his disposal,”

“That must be a tough situation,” Severus mused as they fell into step together and walked along through the pleasant grounds.

“Oh not at all,” Narcissa said, “Black is an incredibly loyal companion. Why, it was only recently that he expended a great deal of effort into helping extract one of his friends from a ghastly romantic entanglement. Are you familiar with a Mr Potter? Well, I hear that Black had to step in to save him from a dreadful match. Is that not the mark of a good, loyal friend?”

Severus almost stopped dead in his tracks, only just managing to keep himself moving forwards. Narcissa must be talking about Lily and Potter, he realised.

“Why?” he asked, “What possible reason could he have to do such a thing? Surely it isn’t his place to make that kind of decision?”

Narcissa looked a little taken aback by Severus’s reaction, but explained calmly, “I believe there was a substantial issue with the lady herself, as well as her family. So he gallantly took it upon himself to save his friend,”

Severus swallowed down his anger as best he could, surprised by how hurt he was at this realisation. Potter must truly have loved Lily, who was heartbroken at the way in which she had been so suddenly dropped. It made his blood boil to think of Black now. He was solely responsible for Lily’s current suffering.

This was the reason why Severus was sulking alone at the parsonage the next day, when Black once again called on him. He was literally the last person on Earth that Severus wanted to see. He was half angry, half miserable and entirely powerless. Black paced around the room as Severus watched in annoyed confusion, remaining seated. His confusion was only heightened when Black actually started speaking.

“It’s no use, I have struggled in vain and there is nothing I can do but tell you how ardently I adore you,” Black started, and Severus was sure he must be hallucinating. Clearly one of them had gone mad.

“It is against all of my better judgement and yet despite of your inferior status, I am unable to fight against this any longer. Will you put me out of my misery and marry me?” he continued.

This, Severus thought vaguely, was the second proposal of marriage he’d received. It was no more savoury than the first. Black had impressively managed to insult him, which seemed rather counter-productive even had he not despised the man. It took him a few moments to be able to answer.

“I will not,” he said slowly, “I have never sought your affections and owe you nothing. After all that you have done, why would you think that I would accept? You have cruelly broken my beloved sister’s heart with your interference. I have heard all about your dishonourable conduct with Lupin. And finally you chose to reveal your love for me in the most insulting manner possible?”

Black looked shocked, as if he had never previously experienced rejection or even considered the possibility, “Your pride is just wounded because I acknowledge the vast disadvantages of your station,” he protested, but Severus was no longer willing to listen to him.

“My pride?” he snapped, “Trust me Mr Black, there is absolutely nothing you could have said that would have convinced me to accept you, even if you had chosen to ask in a more gentlemanlike manner. I am utterly convinced that you are the last man on Earth I would willingly marry and trust me that’s saying something,”

With that, Severus folded his arms and glared at Black until he left.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus had thought, perhaps naively, that there was nothing that Black could say or do that he had not already said or done in his Hogwarts memories to hurt him. That night, after the righteous anger left him, the words Black had spoken echoed through his mind, repeated over and over. No matter how he tried to dismiss them, they still cut deep, probably far deeper than Black could ever guess. He lay in bed and cried bitterly, the hurt from two realities smarting bitterly.

He had been a poor halfblood at Hogwarts, no matter how good he was or what he did he was guaranteed to be regarded as inferior by the vast majority of people. Here, as Black had pointed out, he was still socially inferior. His current family may not have been working class as in his previous reality, but they were still low enough to be looked down on by people such as Black. His relatives and breeding were still greeted with contempt. The way he was treated and his future prospects still depended on these factors so entirely out of his control, rather than his talent or ambition.

On the one hand, he was glad that he was in Kent and Lily in London, so that she didn’t have to see him cry so miserably. On the other hand, all he wanted was to hug her and let her comfort him. Of course, thinking of Lily reminded him of the fact that Black had wilfully caused her so much pain by separating Potter from her. All the evidence now suggested that Potter was a decent man, and that he would have made a good husband for Lily. She was in the same situation as him, with nothing to recommend her except herself, and she had had a true chance for a happy life with a kind, rich man. She could have been loved and secure in her future. Even if that was something Severus could never hope to aspire to for himself, he at least wished it for her with all his heart. To know that it had been so close to reality was beyond heartbreaking. The anger he felt at Black having caused Lily so much pain for such a cruel reason merely led him back into the reminder of the manner in which Black had reminded him of his perceived inferiority, the way in which the odds were so firmly stacked against both him and Lily.

He barely slept that night, sobs interspersed with anger that broke into grief and renewed anger, circling ever on. He was still out of sorts and shaken by his emotions in the morning, so much so that Charlotte even seemed concerned at his listlessness, but he reassured her that it was nothing and he just needed some time out of doors. In a way it was true, he had spent far more time indoors in his visit to Kent than he ever had done both in Cokeworth or at Longbourn. While the people of Rosings Park might generally be distasteful the woods were beautiful and he could depend on trees to cause him no emotional pain. He had yet to be insulted by a tree, a fact which he both took comfort in and accepted as being a faintly miserable fact to be thinking.

Stomping through the beautiful scenery, his thoughts anything but, he was horrified to run into Black. He did actually almost crash right into him, so preoccupied had he been with his thoughts that he had entirely failed to notice the man, which unfortunately meant he couldn’t avoid him. Their greeting was exactly as awkward as Severus would have imagined it to be, and all he could conclude was that he was clearly cursed by some awful dark magic to have such incredibly back luck, when Black handed a letter to him. Luckily, Black did not stay to talk, as it might have been beyond Severus’s capabilities to hold a civil conversation. More than anything he desperately wished to hide the fact that Black had wounded him so deeply, clinging on to his stubborn pride to keep his face neutral and his tone cold. Despite the temptation to burn the letter he felt compelled, as well as honour bound, to read it, so he sat down on a tree stump to begin with a degree of reluctance.

To his relief, the letter opened with a preface that reassured him that Black would not be repeating the declaration of feelings that Severus had so resoundingly rejected, but rather it served as a defence of the crimes Severus had laid at his door. This did rather intrigue Severus, and he decided to be generous and at least give Black the consideration of reading his defence even if he chose not to believe it.

The first part of the letter appeared to address the issue of Lupin. Just like Lupin had claimed, Black told a story of how the two of them had been raised together as Lupin’s father was Black’s father’s steward. Upon the death of Lupin’s father, Black’s father had cared for Lupin. So far, nothing new. Lupin had told him as much. It was only after Black’s father’s death that there appeared to be contradictions in the two men’s stories. Lupin had claimed, admittedly without any evidence, that Black had kicked him out, depriving him of his rightful inheritance out of jealously. Severus had never hoped to have any form of inheritance so the emotions that someone might feel upon being deprived of one were entirely alien to him, though he could imagine that it would hurt. He was capable of empathy, no matter what some people might think. Black, however, told a different story. Severus had to admit that it would be very odd indeed if Black had outright agreed with what Lupin had said, especially as a defence.

Black claimed that Lupin had in fact received the promised inheritance, in lieu of a career in the church. He briefly considered Lupin as a priest, and spent a good few minutes sniggering in a distinctly unladylike fashion at the image. However, Lupin had burnt through that money in record time, proving that he probably wasn’t suited for the sort of humble life normally expected of a man of the church. Black sadly failed to mention exactly what Lupin had been doing with his life at this point in time or what all the money went on, so Severus chose to imagine him as a connoisseur of women’s hats for no reason other than it amused him to picture Lupin in a ridiculous bonnet with stupid flowers. It made him feel a little better about the idea that maybe he had been misled in his favourable opinion of Lupin.

Of course, the accusations that Black laid against Lupin’s door were not limited to being a spendthrift. Had it ended there, Severus might have shrugged off the contents of the letter or at the very least been slightly unconvinced. His opinion of Lupin may have fallen, but given that he had a low opinion of most people that wasn’t really a dramatic state of events. However, the letter continued to describe the less than honourable actions of Lupin, and Severus found that they were rather believable, especially as Black made it clear that Narcissa would provide additional evidence should it be required. Severus may not have trusted Black much, but if Narcissa could be counted on to support the story then that did make it more likely to be true.

Black waxed lyrical about his sister, a young girl by the name of Regulus, which was almost as weird a name for a girl as Severus. He claimed to have practically raised her with the help of Narcissa, which made Severus somewhat worried. He couldn’t imagine that being raised by Black would be a pleasant experience and was rather impressed that the girl seemed to have made it to adulthood. Probably the one to thank for that was Narcissa, who actually appeared to have more than three braincells. From Severus that was a compliment as he had long since accepted that the vast majority of the human population was incurably stupid. 

Regulus, an allegedly sweet girl despite being related to Black, had innocently encountered Lupin, through a variety of rather impressive machinations on his part. Lupin had then convinced the young girl, who was clearly not the brightest, to elope with him along with her vast inheritance. Severus was aware that he was supposed to be focusing on the malicious intentions of Lupin, but he did feel that it showed how coddled and silly this Regulus was to be both so easily fooled and to so easily admit the entire plan to her brother. In all fairness, it didn’t reflect well on Lupin on that count either, as it showed he was a pretty poor conman. His target whilst being rich was so incapable of lying that his weak plan had been scuppered instantly. 

He paused. It was most definitely dishonourable of Lupin to attempt to do that to a young girl. It was cruel, in a way. Seducing people for their money was most definitely nasty. Severus would never claim that he was a nice person. In fact, he would probably die laughing if anyone ever described him as legitimately nice. Even Lily regularly pointed out that he wasn’t nice, and she actually liked him. But even he had a moral code. Or maybe it was pride, he wasn’t quite sure and didn’t really want to explore his morality too much in case he discovered something he didn’t like. Whether this was that he was a better person than he had thought or a worse one was neither here nor there. The important point, as far as he was concerned, was that even he thought that using people’s feelings for your own personal gain was generally speaking a bad thing. Maybe it was because he was himself so clearly unlikeable that he desperately needed to believe that the few people who did appear to like him liked him for who he was. If it turned out that they were only pretending to like him for some reason, to use him and get something from him, it would be devastating. He didn’t like to let people in and didn’t tend to trust people easily, so if that was betrayed it would hurt beyond belief. Deep inside he acknowledged the little boy who’d gone to Hogwarts, a place that he no longer fully believed existed, and how relieved he’d been to find that Lily had been genuinely his friend, that they were best friends and she wasn’t going to replace him no matter what happened. 

He looked up from the letter, with the tale of Lupin’s wrongdoings concluded. Well, he thought bitterly, that just went to show that believing the best of people was stupid. People had to show themselves to be good in word and deed for him to believe them to be good. That way he could be pleasantly surprised rather than betrayed. He had experimented with giving Lupin the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again. The fact that maybe he had misjudged Black drifted through his mind, but he dismissed it. Lupin’s story of woe had merely been the nail in the coffin, the opinion he had formed of Black was entirely his own based on his first impressions of the man. 

Severus personally felt that he took the first half of the letter with remarkable grace. The remainder made his blood boil, to the point that he couldn’t read it all the way through without having to pace about in fury. Lupin he was relatively content to hear bad things about. But the rest of the letter appeared to focus on Potter and Lily. Severus found it incredibly difficult to tolerate any insult or slight to Lily, and Black seemed to be demonstrating his utter inability to accurately judge people by choosing to insult Lily as well as the entirety of their family.

Black listed, as he had so clearly implied in his proposal, all the many flaws of the Snape family. They were comparatively poor, the younger sisters were prone to embarrassing the family with their behaviour, their mother was unbelievably silly. Even their father was cited as not being up to Black’s standards. These were all points that Severus had himself thought and accepted as completely true. However, to see them written by Black angered him and inspired a kind of pride in his family that he hadn’t felt before. Yes, they were poor and aside from Lily utterly ridiculous, but they were decent people. He liked them, for some reason he couldn’t quite fathom. The idea of Black looking down on them because they failed to live up to his ideals of proper etiquette made him want to sneak into Black’s room late one night and spray paint rude words all over the walls. His family were living their lives to the fullest. His sisters had personality, even if those personalities were fairly awful. Severus was highly offended.

Black did not, however, stick to merely insulting Severus’s entire family. He devoted pages to describing Lily as not showing her emotions enough, so that he believed her to be entirely indifferent to Potter. In many ways it was lucky that Black had chosen the medium of a letter to say this, as had this been said in person Severus might have done something he regretted. Alternatively, he may not have regretted it, though any possible legal consequences it incurred may have been less pleasant. If this was an attempt by Black to convince Severus that he was a decent human being, being rude about the most important person in Severus’s life was a truly atrocious way to go about it.

As Black was a safe distance away, Severus settled for stomping on some innocent daisies. The daisies suffered in Black’s place with a graceful patience common to flowers. In a foul mood he flounced back to the parsonage, the letter clasped firmly in his hand. He had been tempted to burn it, but without magic the lack of matches was an issue. Besides, he decided it would be better to keep it, show it to Lily and generally stew over every minor slight. This did not save the letter from being crumpled slightly more than was strictly speaking necessary. He was glad that the visit to the Pettigrews was nearly over, and outright delighted with the prospect of returning to the comparative welcome of Longbourn. 

When it came for them to leave, he parted the parsonage with the words, “I have no idea how I will survive without the presence of Lady Catherine,” which he had instantly regretted as he had entirely forgotten that Pettigrew was incapable of understanding sarcasm. It did however mean that his departure featured Charlotte turning bright red as she tried not to laugh too visibly, which did make him smile slightly.

Upon his return, he gave each of his younger sisters a hug, which probably alarmed them slightly, but he was still offended on their behalf. He was their older sister, which meant it was well within his rights to call them silly twits. That right did not extend to arrogant cockwombles like Black.

Of course, any hope he might have had to be able to sulk in peace while complaining about everyone he’d ever encountered to Lily entirely failed to take into account the rest of his family. Lydia, Kitty and his mother were in full-on drama queen mode. Mary was expressing her feelings through music, and Severus decided it was best to leave her to it. Lydia had been invited to accompany the militia to Brighton, a town that Severus was only vaguely aware existed, as a companion to the colonel’s wife. Severus’s initial interpretation of this added some quotation marks to the word companion, which he was a little embarrassed by once it occurred to him that Lydia and the colonel’s wife were just friends.

Kitty was obviously devastated at the idea of her younger sister getting to go off and spend so much time with all the many men of the militia. Given how boy-mad Lydia was, Severus agreed though for an entirely difference reason. Kitty was jealous. Severus was dreading whatever scrape Lydia would land herself in. He’d just suffered the indignity of having his entire family insulted casually by Black, the idea of Lydia adding more embarrassment did rather worry him. Besides, he’d realised that all men were generally bastards so even if Lydia behaved perfectly she was almost certainly going to be hurt by one of them. He was going to have to start looking up non-magical poisons.

Lily was, as always, the one island of sanity in the chaos. Sitting up together in the bed they shared, he told her all about his visit to the Pettigrews and Rosings. He didn’t hesitate to tell her all about Black’s proposal, which he kept carefully hidden from the rest of the family. She reacted with the appropriate amount of shock to the news.

“Mr Black? He always seems so standoffish and cold, yet all along he was passionately and madly in love with you?” she asked incredulously, “Not that I’m suggesting that the idea of anyone being in love with you is crazy or anything, just that I didn’t think he was,”

Severus personally found the idea of anyone being in love with him to the point that they wanted to marry him to be frankly unbelievably. It was the sort of thing that suggested incurable madness and should probably serve as a warning sign. Anyone who actively wanted to marry him was either doing so as part of some elaborate plot or were clearly mentally deficient, meaning that he should most definitely avoid anyone expressing such a desire.

“Oh poor Mr Black,” Lily continued sympathetically, which made Severus stare at her incredulously.

“Poor Mr Black?” he asked in horror, “Poor me,”

Lily gave him a look.

“Tell me Severus, and I’m not suggesting anything at all, but I do hope you weren’t too cruel with your rejection,” she implored hopefully, ever the optimist.

“Not at all,” Severus replied, determinedly forgetting everything he had actually said to Black, “I was perfectly cordial. Far nicer than he deserved,”

In many ways, he felt he had been. He could have said far worse. He considered the letter he had received. Maybe he should write Black a letter, filled with all the various insults he had though of in the days between that he could have said. He considered how much Lily would disapprove of that, and decided reluctantly against sending Black a series of hate-filled letters despite the intense temptation. He took it as proof that he was a good, kind and ultimately decent person. He didn’t get anything like enough credit for how nice he was.

“And poor Mr Lupin,” Lily continued, showing how kind-hearted she was, “And poor Miss Regulus,”

Severus rolled his eyes, “They can’t all be good,” he said, “And I’m inclined to believe that they’re all unpleasant. You’re being too nice,” 

She hugged him, ending the conversation with them agreeing to disagree as they always did.

Kitty’s grief at being left without Lydia or the entire militia was a problem that was firmly left up to Lily to deal with. Mary’s feelings were getting increasingly esoteric judging by the sounds coming from the piano, and their mother was busy dreaming about her girlhood of having her heart broken by various men from the militia of her youth. Their father had shut himself in the study and only exited reluctantly for food. Luckily, Severus was invited by his aunt and uncle to go for a trip to see the sights of Derbyshire. Geography had never been his strong point, so in took him three attempts to locate Derbyshire on a map, but he didn’t particularly care where it was. What mattered to him was that he got a chance to travel and see England, even if that did involved long hours in horse-drawn carriages. He would rather have Lily accompany him for the trip, but he accepted that she felt obliged to stay at home.

The scenery of Derbyshire was beautiful, and Severus appreciated that it was also quiet. It was relaxing to be able to take in the world without the background sounds of sobbing and agonised piano playing. He felt a certain degree of protective affection towards his family, but he did also prefer them at a distance. Of course, by perfect irony it transpired that his aunt had grown up near to Pemberley, which belonged to Black, so Severus found himself staying at the village and visiting the actual estate. Severus objected as delicately as he could, but the fact that the family was allegedly not in eventually convinced him to at least see the grounds.

The grounds and house were grand. Severus considered them thoughtfully. Had he been more willing to suffer for personal gain, he might have been the mistress of Pemberley. He gave a few moments of silent consideration to the idea of being married to Black. It did not appeal. Not even the scenery and luxury of the lifestyle could really convince him that marriage would be worth it. Though, if he’d given it proper thought he would have said yes to Black, poisoned him and then he and Lily could have lived in comfort without having to deal with any men at all. He was filled with deep regret at the missed opportunity. Lily would probably have disapproved of the plan, but in many ways he felt it would have been brilliant. Sometimes people have to make sacrifices. He was perfectly willing to sacrifice Black for his and Lily’s gain. The entire Snape family would have benefitted. Black would have been briefly happy and then permanently dead, which he may have been less keen on but it wasn’t like he would have been unhappy. Apart from the moments before his death, possibly. Severus didn’t particularly care, especially seeing as any chance for that life had already departed.

He listened to the housekeeper giving Black compliment after compliment as they wandered round the halls. It struck him as somewhat voyeuristic that they could just walk around someone else’s house in this manner, though it did make him wonder about the possibilities of being a robber. Sadly he didn’t think his skills would allow for him to successfully burgle the house. Instead he pondered the way in which the housekeeper appeared to believe that Black was a decent human being. Gazing at the many portraits of the man, Severus had to admit, both to himself and to the rest of the company when forced, that Black was handsome. Luckily Lily wasn’t there, as she might have fainted from the shock of hearing him give an almost compliment. He was rather alarmed with having uttered the words himself, and rather hoped that no one would ever repeat them.

It was in this state of discomfort that he found himself face to face with Black once more, as if proving that he was indeed cursed. Severus had been reassured that the Blacks were not home, so he felt particularly betrayed by this cruel twist of fate.

“Miss Snape,” Black said, clearly startled, “Are you well?”

Severus stared at him, deeply embarrassed. There was a particular embarrassment to be felt upon finding yourself poking around the house of the man you had only recently rejected. He tried imagining Black naked and immediately regretted it. That most definitely didn’t help. 

“…Yes…” he replied awkwardly.

“And your family?” Black continued.

“…Yes…” Severus continued, hoping that a hole would open in the ground and swallow Black up to suck him down into the bowels of the Earth. He was aware that it was common to wish this to happen to himself rather than someone else, but honestly he would rather it happened to Black. Sadly, natural phenomena failed him, so he had to continue with the agonising conversation. This was the main reason why he agreed to not only have Black call on them the next day, but also to be introduced to his sister. Apparently he was prone to agreeing to all manner of stupid things when shocked. It was a flaw he would have to work on. Black also continued to confound him by extending cordial invitations to his aunt and uncle, making terrifyingly pleasant small talk to them and making Severus certain that the man before him was not in fact Black but an imposter using Polyjuice potion. He would have to watch carefully.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. The next chapter will be the last one and hopefully it won't take me too much longer. I have recently started entertaining the idea of a sequel, though I'm not certain enough of any of the details yet to be able to provide you with a name. Thank you for reading this far, I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

The sense of confusion Severus felt at Black having seemingly undergone a personality transplant was not lessened by returning back to the inn after a pleasant walk in the village and discovering that Black was lurking in the parlour, waiting for him. That action alone, had it been a trap for Severus to fall into, would have made perfect sense. The fact that Black appeared to want to see him and have a cordial conversation was quite frankly surreal. Severus felt as if he’d fallen into an alternative dimension, which he had, but he felt it even more. As if he’d just adjusted to the strange new world he’d found himself in and now all the rules were changing. Despite having agreed to it, he hadn’t entirely believed that it would happen.

“Miss Severus,” Black said, bowing politely, an act that Severus found to be both pleasing and creepy. He liked it when people treated him with basic decency, though coming from Black it made him faintly nervous, almost as if he wasn’t quite as bad as Severus had always assumed. Severus curtseyed neatly, as there was really nothing else he could do.

“Please allow me to introduce you to my sister, Regulus Black,” Black continued, waving vaguely to the slight young woman he had brought along with him.

Regulus was glowing with delight. Her smile at being introduced to Severus was the kind of reaction Severus had never previously encountered, but he found that it felt good to be so enthusiastically greeted.

“Hello,” Regulus gushed in an airy tone, “I’ve heard so much about you,”

The wide eyes suggested that at least some of what she’d heard must be positive, which Severus found hard to believe. People rarely said anything nice about him. But Severus couldn’t be cruel to such an adoring expression. He smiled awkwardly.

“Mr Potter is also here, if you wouldn’t mind his company as well,” Black continued, interrupting Regulus’s worship of Severus. Severus was disappointed with this, until he realised that Regulus was still innocently gazing at him in barely repressed amazement. Hopefully there would never come a point where the future of the world was reliant on Regulus’s ability to lie with a straight face, as clearly she was an open book. Severus could almost see why it was that Lupin had so easily hoodwinked her, but he found that he felt sorry for her. He remembered vaguely that he too had once been naive, believing optimistically that the world was a good place. He’d managed to cling onto that despite literally everything about Cokeworth, with the possible exception of Lily, holding onto the hope that everything would be better once he, along with Lily, finally started Hogwarts. It was the slow, constant barrage of hatred from seemingly all sides that became apparent upon arriving at Hogwarts that had slowly ground down his resolute optimism and shattered all his positivity. That was a part of the reason why Severus wasn’t particularly thrilled by the idea of meeting Potter again, but he was distracted by the heartbreaking innocence of Regulus, so he merely nodded vaguely in Black’s general direction.

“Miss Severus,” Potter said, with an enthusiasm that Severus did not entirely share, “I can see that you’re well, how are your family? Are they also well?”

He looked at her, a slight desperation in his eyes that couldn’t be hidden by his glasses, but the sincerity of his voice was flattering. He did seem to care about Severus as more than simply a method to get to Lily, and he did still seem to be enchanted with her, even if Severus had given up on them ever having a happy ending.

“Yes,” Severus said, knowing that he was teasing Potter by slowly drawing out the information, “Though not all my sisters are currently at Longbourn,”

Potter seemed to be struggling to keep his clear need to ask directly about Lily under control, which was both heartening and also something Severus found he had little sympathy for. He’d made Lily cry, and that had made him angry. He was perfectly happy to twist the knife. No one had ever accused him of being fair, and quite frankly there were advantages to being petty. Sometimes it just felt good.

“My youngest sister is currently with the militia in Brighton,” he continued, seeing Potter’s face fall slightly at the complete lack of news about Lily.

“It’s been quite a few months,” Potter continued, “Since we last met. Must have been the ball we danced at together, in Netherfield. I don’t think I’ve ever been quite as happy as that brief time I spent there,”

He had a dreamy expression on his face, the cause of which probably had red hair and green eyes. Severus had to grudgingly agree. Lily definitely did brighten up the world. She made his life infinitely better. He suspected that without her in his life he would probably just die of a broken heart, the entire world fading to miserable grey, all the colour and joy draining away. But anything further was interrupted by Black, who gently encouraged Regulus to invite Severus, along with his aunt and uncle, to Pemberley once again. The implications all seemed to suggest that Black was a loving older brother to Regulus, a hitherto unexpected plot twist that Severus found to be slightly disturbing.

Severus wasn’t entirely convinced that this meant Black was a better person than he had initially given him credit for. Regulus seemed to be a rather enchanting young girl, so maybe it was more a case that Black wasn’t so entirely morally bankrupt to be incapable of being kind to his own, clearly sweet, little sister. It did, however, reflect badly on Lupin as it suggested that he was even more of a dick than Severus had originally assumed. The revelation that Severus had a soft spot for naive young girls was also a faintly worrying realisation that he chose to ignore entirely. Probably it was because he had once been innocent so now he was determined to defend all those that still had their innocence from the awfulness of mankind.

The evening that followed was, for the most part, a pleasant one. Black had neatly failed to mention the presence of the Potter sisters, which definitely put a dampener on things. However, Severus spent most of his time being openly admired by Regulus away from the rest of the party, skulking surreptitiously by the piano. Luckily, it was mostly Regulus who played, while Black watched on with a proud, paternalistic expression on his face, clearly more interested in the two of them in the corner than the rest of the people in the room. Severus had found it annoyingly endearing, the idea that he was so caring towards his younger sister, as well as reluctantly finding himself drawn to how maddeningly handsome the man was. Surrounded by his luxurious mansion, he definitely looked to be an incredibly eligible bachelor. It was just a shame about the personality, really. Severus wondered idly, in a way that messed up his page turning for poor Regulus who was playing the piano, if it was feasible to marry Black for his money, body and nice sister and just drug him, but it seemed faintly immoral and he suspected that Regulus would be upset. It was, in many ways, just another piece of evidence what a good and kind person he was, no matter what other people might think. In some ways, his magnanimity was one of his most under appreciated traits. 

The following morning was considerably less pleasant. Severus had finally received a letter from Lily, which he was delighted by. In fact, he had received two, which almost made up for the wait, and settled down to read them as his aunt and uncle went for a brief stroll round town. Letters from Lily were always lovely, though not quite as lovely as being able to actually talk to her, but Severus knew that once the trip was over he would be back at home with her sharing all the little details of their lives. The contents of the letters, however, proved to be less about Lily and more about Lydia and Lupin, a combination Severus had not previously given any thought to.

He read the letters, chronologically, feeling as if the words contained within were slowly scooping out his insides and leaving in their place an empty space. He could feel Lily’s despair and distress pouring off the pages, contained within the gentle curve of her letters, each crafted with sorrow. She wrote of how Lydia had appeared to have eloped with Lupin, in a show of appallingly bad taste. Severus felt a certain amount of sisterly love for Lydia, no matter how silly and flighty she may be, but he couldn’t see what it was about her that could have tempted Lupin. He had been giving the impression that Lupin was out for money, looking to marry a rich lady, and the Snapes were in no way rich. The prospect of having Lupin as a brother-in-law was not one that filled Severus with joy, but it was the contents of the second letter that really caused him distress.

That one, clearly sent later, started to paint a different picture. Unlike the initial assessment of an ill-advised elopement, it appeared that rather than the traditional Gretna Green, the two lovebirds had flown to London, and no marriage had yet taken place. Under certain circumstances, marriage was irrelevant, but Severus knew that for a woman of the time it was extremely important. To run off with a man was bad enough, to do so unwed was a scandal which would undoubtably touch all the sisters. He admittedly had little chance of marrying a handsome, rich and kind man, but he did hope for Lily’s happiness at the very least. This made all that incredibly unlikely. The confusion of the last few days combined with a fearful distress resulted in Severus almost crashing straight into Black who had materialised seemingly out of thin air.

“Miss Severus,” he said, and Severus felt himself melt in relief at the familiar face, despite it being one he generally hated. He reasoned later that he must have been even more distressed than he originally thought, as that was really the only possible explanation for why he let Black lead him gently back to a chair, sitting down beside him and taking his hands.

“What’s wrong, you look pale?” Black asked, concern saturating his every move, “Is there anything I can do?”

In that moment, no one had ever looked more like an angel to Severus. Maybe it was because Severus was overemotional, or maybe it was because Black already knew about Lupin’s unsavoury elements, but he found himself spilling all the details of Lily’s letters, allowing Black to call for servants to fetch his aunt and uncle as well as generally take control. Regardless, Black acted like a perfect gentleman, providing reassurance and a calming presence even as Severus felt him withdrawing. As he made his excuses to leave, Severus found himself feelings a sadness he never expected. He knew that Black would definitely not want to be associated in any way publicly with the Snapes now, and undoubtably he would ensure that Potter likewise never again went near Lily. Yet in that moment, he had appreciated the man’s kindness, finally seeing the positive side the housekeeper had waxed lyrical about. Now as he retreated Severus appreciated the good in him, that he did have some kind of a heart as well as money and looks, only now it was far far too late to consider exploring them.

Damn Lydia, he thought. And more than that, damn Lupin. Lydia was just a silly young girl, only fifteen, what possible reason could Lupin have for running off with her. The trip home to Longbourn seemed endless, the scenery and sights that had been such a marvel on the trip out no longer held any appeal. How old was Lupin, he wondered angrily. He presumed he must be close to thirty, like Black. The more important answer was of course, old enough to know better. Through it all Severus tormented himself with an unpleasant sensation of guilt. He’d been warned that Lupin had attempted to elope with Regulus, but had kept that information to himself. He’d stupidly believed that his family was far too poor to be of interest, but maybe had he told his sisters or father at least then maybe this would never have happened. Of course, had he told his younger sisters the entire town would have heard within moments, given their love of gossip and inability to keep a secret.

Longbourn, when they finally arrived, was in about as much chaos as he expected. Lily flung her arms around him, squeezing him tight in joy and giving him the sensible news regarding their father’s trip to London to try to locate Lydia and Lupin. Severus suspected the entire task was rather similar to searching for a needle in a haystack because aside from anything else the best chance of finding the two of them was presumably to set fire to the entirety of London and raze it to the ground, thereby forcing them to flee and therefore reveal themselves. He thought it unlikely that this method would be used. It seemed potentially a little excessive, and a large number of the people who lived in London might object. Severus had always vaguely disliked London, so he didn’t really care. 

His mother was considerably less rational in her behaviour, lying on the sofa alternating between despairing how they were all ruined and would therefore die penniless in a ditch and blaming literally everyone except Lydia who she seemed to consider to be more sensible than Severus knew her to be. He rather agreed that it was more likely that the idea had been Lupin’s, but he doubted that the Fosters or the rest of the militia were at fault. In many ways it was lucky that it was the sensible parent who had been dispatched to deal with the issue, not that Severus had much hope of a satisfactory outcome. The best that he could hope for was being doomed to have Lupin for a brother-in-law, a prospect he did not relish. 

While their mother seemed to be varying between morbidly obsessing over the various ways in which everyone involved could die and her deep-seated fear that Lydia would marry without consulting her about dresses, both Kitty and Mary were being equally unhelpful. Kitty seemed to be almost jealous, clearly wishing that she would be given an opportunity to elope, and thus far Mary had managed to state a variety of extremely obvious facts regarding the way the entire fiasco would damage all of their reputations in a way that managed to be both extraordinarily pretentious and yet also ahead of its time in her consideration of a woman’s worth being more than her perceived virginity. Either way, Severus much preferred to talk to Lily.

“Well, that’s pretty much all of our chances gone,” he said pessimistically that night, “Not that I had much hope to begin with, but now even you’re not going to marry well,”

“Oh Severus,” Lily sighed sadly, taking his hands, “You think we’re all tainted by association?”

He could tell that she wanted to disagree, but couldn’t. He was only speaking the truth, as harsh as it was.

“Mr Black made that quite clear, all without having to bother saying a word,” he continued, “So no chance of Mr Potter coming round for you…”

“Mr Black?” Lily asked, confused.

“He was there when I got your letter,” Severus explained, “Initially was uncharacteristically nice until of course I told him what was in the letter, at which point he left as quickly as he could. Dropped me like a hot potato…”

“Did you… did you want him to…?” Lily started to ask, but seemed to lose track of her question. Severus understood what she was trying to ask.

“No, no,” he replied, “No, still don’t like him, still don’t want to marry him. Quite happy to not be proposed to again. Think I may have got my wish. But he does have a very nice house…”

They drifted off into a slightly sad silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Lily’s probably had glasses and a stupid expression on his face. Severus’s probably involved more grievous bodily harm, though he found that Black’s face kept popping up in situations that didn’t involve him being driven over by a steamroller for reasons he couldn’t quite fathom. 

To make matters worse, Pettigrew arrived unannounced the next day. Kitty, upon seeing his carriage, showed the first sign of common sense Severus had ever witnessed in her by literally running out of the house and into the forest to hide. Lily, however, forced Severus to act politely and sit in the living room with her and Mary to receive him. Severus tuned out the entire conversation, which was probably for the best. Luckily Pettigrew didn’t actually stay long, which may have been encouraged by the few scare words Severus said to him, which were mostly centred around subtly hinting that as a member of the clergy, Pettigrew would be best not risking his own reputation by spending too much time with them. It was a distinct silver lining to the entire cloud, and one Severus was glad to have found. Maybe if they milked their bad reputation to become pariahs of society, at least insufferable fools would leave them alone. It was an outcome Severus reckoned he could live with. He just wasn’t sure that it was one that Lily, who had always been more soft-hearted and sociable, would be happy with.

It was not long after their father’s return that they received a letter finally bearing good news, though it wasn’t news that Severus would have considered ideal. He would have liked the news that Lydia and Lupin had been married, but that Lupin had also coincidentally fallen into a gigantic vat of custard where he had subsequently drowned. Unfortunately that was not the case. Lupin lived. He would, however, marry Lydia for what was really quite a paltry sum of money, especially considering how annoying Lydia could be. It was probably an unfair assessment of Lydia, but as her sister, Severus felt he had the right to consider her annoying. That didn’t mean he would tolerate other people saying the same thing. He hoped, faintly, that no matter what, she would be happy with Lupin. It sounded like a match made in hell, though there was also the argument that they deserved each other. He hoped that she wouldn’t regret her youthful indiscretion, like he suspected his mother, his other mother from the Hogwarts life, had done. He wouldn’t wish that existence on anyone, no matter how much he disliked them, so he definitely didn’t want that for his little sister. If Lupin was miserable but did everything he could to ensure Lydia lived a happy and comfortable life, then that was fine in his view.

The unfortunate implication was clear to Severus and Lily, even if it wasn’t to their younger sisters. Lily wanted to believe that maybe Lupin wasn’t as bad as they all assumed and genuinely in love, but Severus quickly dissuaded her of that notion. Their father likewise could feel the debt owed to their uncle gravely. He said as much in quiet, anguished words to his eldest two daughters, the pain of the situation ageing him. The prospect saddened Lily, but she accepted it. Severus, for once, held his tongue and avoided insulting anyone. He didn’t get nearly as much credit for that generous act as he felt he deserved. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Severus also felt the shame at knowing that Black knew all the juicy details. He didn’t know quite why it distressed him, seeing as it would work as an effective armour against any possible future declarations of love, but the idea of having so sharply fallen from favour hurt his pride. At least, that was the only reason he could think of that could possibly explain why he felt those strange, bubbling feelings deep in the pit of his stomach when he considered the whole situation, feelings that seemed strongest when he remembered the gentle way Black had initially taken his hands to provide comfort in his hour of need. The idea that that tenderness could have changed to a form of hatred cut deeply into him, and lingered on the edge of his thoughts late at night. He found that those thoughts haunted him, though why he couldn’t quite explain, even to Lily, who just looked at him with her kind green eyes as if she knew something he didn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, though I do intend to write a sequel in the hopefully near future (though obviously reading that it entirely optional). I'm sorry for the wait.  
> Feel free to ignore the final paragraph if you'd prefer.

In contrast to their mother’s delight over Lydia’s marriage to Lupin, their father seemed weighed down as if the weight of the world was upon his shoulders. Severus knew he was far from a perfect father, too lenient as presumably a firmer hand would have stood a better chance of preventing Lydia’s elopement. Had he put his foot down she would not have gone to Brighton unsupervised and no messy entanglement would have resulted. But he was a kinder, more caring father than Tobias had been in the life he had once had, the life he remembered vaguely as if it had been a dream. He was almost convinced it had been an intensely realistic dream, though how he had managed to dream of men he would only meet afterwards he was yet to figure out.

Severus tried to provide a degree of comfort to his father, as while it was true that he had his failings Severus couldn’t help but appreciate the way in which he cared for all his children and carried the guilt of having not managed to provide them with enough protection or security for the future. Reassurance wasn’t exactly his strong suit, however, so mostly he just ended up feeling a little awkward. His father seemed to appreciate it anyway, probably as a contrast to the hysterical levels of euphoria that his mother was emitting.

When Lydia arrived, a married woman with her new husband in tow, their mother was over the moon with happiness and their father was openly unwilling to welcome the couple to Longbourn. As they greeted the newlyweds, Severus could feel Lupin’s eyes on him, a gaze both partially embarrassed and yet shamelessly probing. He ignored it, a polite but distant expression on his face as Lydia chattered away in her customary silly fashion, still a ridiculous little girl for all that she was now a married woman. He shared a surreptitious eye roll with Lily.

Despite Severus’s best efforts at avoiding both Lydia and Lupin for the duration of their stay, it proved to be impossible. Lydia talked non-stop about her wedding, which she was both incredibly proud of and also disappointed that it had been poorly attended. The fact that she seemed oblivious to the reasons why it had been such a small affair resulted in him sharing a despairing look with Lily. Of course, had Lydia not been so incredibly ditzy then she would not have let the secret of Black being at her wedding slip, a detail that Severus caught with interest.

Writing to his aunt also helped provide an excellent excuse to avoid the more irritating members of the family, so he was quite happy to do so, as well as genuinely being intrigued by what possible involvement Black could possibly have had in the marriage of Lupin and Lydia. It occupied his mind as he tuned out Lydia’s wittering and steadfastly avoided Lupin, who seemed to be sending him suggestive looks that did not bode well for the future happiness of the newlyweds. When the answer finally came, it left him confused beyond words.

Sitting in the gardens of Longbourn to hide from Lupin, he read his aunt’s account of how Black had appeared to help in the search for Lupin and Lydia, not so much offering his help as insisting on it. That sounded like Black, bulldozing his way through life regardless of what other people wanted, though the intent was bizarrely magnanimous. The amount of money that had been spent on getting Lupin to marry Lydia, so clearly oblivious to all of the machinations that had gone on behind the scenes, was an amount that Black would have found much easier to afford but the idea of being in any way indebted to him made Severus uncomfortable. He tried to muster a sense of hatred, but he found himself uncharacteristically unable to. He couldn’t even take pleasure in the idea of him being run over by a bus, rather finding himself wishing such a fate on Lupin instead.

He was unspeakably grateful when the couple finally left Longbourn, heading away to what he could only imagine to be a marriage of dubious happiness. It gave him time to reflect and think about the revelation of Black having done something potentially generous out of the goodness of his heart, which worryingly suggested that he had a heart. Severus had always assumed him to be heartless and Severus hated being wrong. Severus hated a lot of things. Lily often told him that he should attempt to be a little less hateful, and to his reluctance he got the impression that he was at least moving in the right direction. He would never be as sweet and kind as her, but he didn’t think he hated Black any more, which was in many ways a miracle.

As a replacement for Lupin and Lydia, not long after their departure the news spread round town like wild fire that Potter was back in Netherfield, which Severus found himself to be oddly pleased by. Potter’s company was definitely better than Lupin’s, though he worried slightly about Lily, who had flushed ever so slightly when she heard the news.

“I’m fine,” she said serenely, in response to an enquiring look from Severus, “Absolutely fine, I will be able to meet him as perfectly civil acquaintances,”

Severus did not believe her, as the slight tremble of her hands gave away a hint of deeper feelings being reawakened. Few but he would have notice though. Their mother was more obvious in her excitement, though Severus found himself cringing with horrified embarrassment at her reaction to Black, who had accompanied Potter like a persistent rain cloud. He may have hated the man once, but he felt he did a decent job of being civil, as long as you ignored all the various times in which he had indulged in insulting him. However, knowing that Black had been instrumental in ensuring Lupin married Lydia rather than just abandoning her forced him to feel different, even had his feelings of hate not already been weakening. Even though he had once been only too happy to indulge in badmouthing Black on every possible occasion, even in situations when it really was only a tenuous link to the conversation, he found that he had changed. He wondered if he might have become slightly nicer, as Lily so often hoped he would.

People were welcome to their opinions, even if they were wrong, but in this case his mother was so hideously unaware of the truth because Severus was considerably better at keeping secrets than Lydia. It was mainly because he had a brain, as far as he could tell. Lily had said that was mean, but he suspected it was true. Much scientific advancement could undoubtedly result from experimenting on Lydia, though he was a little hazy on how ethical that would be. 

Despite all of Lily’s claims that she was over Potter, it was quite clear from the way his eyes lingered over her that Potter was not over Lily, and Severus wasn’t entirely surprised that the moment their mother casually orchestrated the two to be alone in a room together that the result was a marriage proposal. He didn’t entirely approve of her heavy handed method, but he pushed such feelings aside in favour of relief when he saw the happiness on Lily’s face.

“Oh Severus,” Lily breathed into their embrace, her whole body vibrating with joy, “How is it possible for anyone to be so happy?”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Severus said, his words muffled slightly by the hug, “If he hurts you my vengeance will know no limits,”

It was probably not a standard congratulations, but Lily had both known Severus long enough to take it well and was too happy to notice that Severus was willing to dismember her future husband for upsetting her.

“He loves me,” Lily continued blissfully, “How can that possibly be?”

“Easily…?” Severus answered, slightly confused. Lily was easily the most lovable person he had ever met. She was kind, pretty and intelligent, all highly desirable traits that didn’t even start to scrape the surface of how good a person Severus genuinely thought her to be. He didn’t give many compliments, so the fact that he regarded her so highly was something he personally thought should be noted and treated with the respect such a sentiment deserved. 

“I hope you find someone like Mr Potter,” Lily breathed, radiating happiness, desperate to share it with her favourite sister. Severus appreciated the sentiment, but he suspected that it would require him to have a personality transplant. Even if someone like Potter did for some reason fall in love with him, he found Potter to be a little too inane to want to spend the rest of his life with him. He made Lily happy, as well as being financially able to provide her with all the comforts she might need, so as far as he was concerned that made him an adequate future husband for her.

“Well,” Severus said, realistically, “Maybe if I’m extremely lucky I might meet another Mr Pettigrew…” But Lily was too happy to scold him for his pessimism, walking as if she were walking on clouds, almost glowing with the purity of her smile. 

It was into this aura of euphoria that another, considerably less welcome visitor, descended. Severus was not expecting Lady Catherine de Bourgh to visit, under any circumstances, so was understandably as confused as everyone else when she swooped into Longbourn like a venereal disease. She seemed exactly as unimpressed with Longbourn and everyone in it as she was with literally everything else she had ever encountered in her life.

“Miss Snape,” she said imperiously, ignoring everyone else, “You garden is frightfully disappointing but I will take a turn with you in it anyway,”

Severus reluctantly followed her to the garden, which he had always thought to be a perfectly nice one. He was aware that Lady Catherine was unfamiliar with the concept of people refusing her, and it would undoubtably only draw out the time she spent inflicting herself on them. There was also a greater chance that he might be able to trip her up, ideally into some conveniently placed manure or off a cliff, neither of which were in the gardens of Longbourn. Maybe if the visit had not been quite such a surprise, he might have had time to plan, or alternatively fake his own death and run away to be a pirate. It seemed as good a career plan as any other.

“Miss Snape, I’m sure you know why I’m here so I shall be perfectly frank,” Lady Catherine said, after giving an innocent rose bush a dismissive sneer.

Severus had no idea why she might have decided to pay him a visit, besides sadism driving her to want to torture him with her company. He suspected that she would be offended were he to answer that, so he maturely held his tongue. It took a lot of self control and in many ways he wished he had an audience to admire his generosity. Lady Catherine seemed to be entirely oblivious to his dislike, presumably because that was the reaction she inspired in everyone.

“I am really quite perplexed, to be honest,” Severus answered, hoping for an answer. It would help, as well as probably speeding up whatever business she had decided she had with him.

“Oh Miss Snape, I am not a woman to be trifled with,” Lady Catherine said indignantly, “Regardless of your shameful insincerity I will show you the courtesy of my sincere opinions,”

Severus felt that she was being unnecessarily harsh, as he had been perfectly sincere in his answer. He was completely confused why she had appeared out of the blue to insult him in his family garden. His only possible explanation was that it was her version of a hobby.

“The other day I heard the most troubling news,” Lady Catherine snapped, “Not only is your sister to marry, a match that seems dreadfully advantageous to your family, but along with that there were rumours connecting you to my own dear nephew,”

Severus assumed that she didn’t want him to tell her she should probably not listen to as much gossip. Instead, he focused on the confusion of the news. He was fairly confident he was not in any way connected to Black in a way that would worry her.

“I know it is impossible that he would be engaged to someone like you, that it is just a shameful, disgusting rumour, but still I resolved to set forth and have the matter out with you,” Lady Catherine continued.

Severus almost flinched with wounded pride. He expected insults from her, but still they hurt. As far he was concerned, he was just as good as Black. In some ways he might even consider himself to be superior, thought admittedly not social standing. Black had many good traits, it was true, though Severus was surprised to find himself thinking that, but he personally felt that he was ahead on issues such as wit and intelligence. Also, wearing dresses, but that was a hard thing to do competitively though Severus reckoned that he and indeed Black were the kind of people to give it a go. They could both be a little more competitive than was strictly speaking necessary. 

“If it’s so impossible, why did you bother to come?” he asked, glaring at her, “Besides, what do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to issue a statement firmly refuting the rumour,” Lady Catherine demanded, glaring back, clearly placing all the blame with Severus.

“Surely…” Severus started, then found a sudden increase in confidence, “Surely you coming to visit me will only add to the rumour, a confirmation if you like, of you meeting my family as part of preparations?”

Lady Catherine seemed to take offence at his logic, which he thought was perfectly sound. By association, she also seemed to be taking offence at reality. He could feel his temper building slightly, any faint desire he might have had to cooperate politely vanishing.

“How dare you?” she gasped, “Never before have I heard such language,” a response that made Severus really wish that he had sworn colourfully. That would undoubtably have provided her with an education in bad language. 

“As my nephew’s closest relative I am privy to all his affairs. He is engaged to marry my daughter,” she continued.

“In that case he can’t be engaged to me, then, surely?” Severus asked her, annoyed and willing her gone. His point was perfectly logical, though he was also fairly confident that Lady Catherine had never before encountered the concept of logic. It was not something that could be bent entirely to her will.

“Well, it is a complicated and special arrangement that we’ve had since their birth,” Lady Catherine admitted, “I know my nephew had a good understanding of propriety but I fear a shameless hussy like you may have made him forget,”

At that point, she descended into a lengthy rant about every possible fault Severus had, focusing mostly on the issue of breeding, simultaneously upsetting and angering him. He thought the the fact that he stood there and let it wash over him rather than attempting to murder her with garden tools really spoke volumes about his patience and tolerance. He assumed insulting people to their face when trying to get something out of them must run in the family, as that was how Black had thought it best to woo him into marriage. For a brief, sadistic moment, he really wished he had said yes back then, just to witness Lady Catherine’s existential breakdown. It was a lost opportunity, though probably marrying people to piss off their aunt was a bad move in many ways and possibly disrespectful to the sanctity of marriage. 

Severus was full of such fiery fury that he was actually disappointed when Lady Catherine asked him outright if he was actually engaged to Black. He struggled for a moment, desperately desiring to say yes just because it would anger her hopefully enough to cause an aneurism or heart attack, but a fragile tendril of common sense stopped him. He had matured and grown up enough that he could recognise that claiming to be engaged to Black when he wasn’t could lead to complications that would ultimately come back to bite him on the arse. Why on Earth she hadn’t descended on Black, who she was actually related to, but instead chose to inflict herself upon him, was honestly beyond him.

Grudgingly he replied, “I am not currently engaged to Mr Black,” the words ground out bitterly. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to be engaged or marry Black, though maybe he would be less hasty in his rejection now than he had been before. In many ways he found himself deeply disappointed that he had obviously taken on all of Lily’s constant chiding to be nicer, as he might once have gone into elaborate detail to Lady Catherine about how Black had in fact proposed to him once. That would have cause quite a spectacular reaction, of that he had no doubt. But he was keeping it a secret, as Black had recently done his family a good term for some reason, and also his mother might not be happy at learning he had rudely turned a very rich man down. He would also probably have to admit to Lady Catherine that the proposal had not actually been accepted, which would probably both relieve and anger her simultaneously. 

Lady Catherine looked almost surprised at the admission, as if she was expecting Severus to answer that not only were they engaged she was three months pregnant or something. It almost seemed like a come down, as if all the wind had been taken from the sails of her apoplectic fury. She had probably been looking forward to forcing them to break the engagement, ruining Severus’s life and just generally making everyone in the world miserable. The fact that she had overreacted to a rumour had probably never occurred to her.

“Now promise me to never enter into an engagement with my nephew,” she demanded, clearly determined to make her trip worthwhile.

“No,” Severus said simply, unwilling to budge in the slightest to give her her way. He knew there was next to no chanced of such an engagement happening, but he had no interest in doing anything to provide her with a sense of superiority, accomplishment or indeed happiness. He turned briskly on his heel and stalked back to the house, skirts swirling after him. Lady Catherine continued to chase after him, bringing Lydia up as another insult against him and his entire family, but Severus no longer cared. He left her ranting and raving in the garden that he thought was actually rather nice when not filled with odious old women, and went to sulk in his room. By the time he emerged again, Lady Catherine had either returned to Rosings Park or Hell where she clearly belonged. If she had grown a tail, horns and goat hoofs Severus would not have been in the least bit surprised.

When Potter next came to visit Lily, clearly impatient to marry her, he brought Black along. Suggesting a nice walk into Meriton, the two lovebirds walked together and even Severus couldn’t object. They seemed happy together, so he walked along initially in fantastically awkward silence with Kitty and Black, until Kitty found an out in running to call on one of her friends. That left Severus with Black, who seemed perfectly willing to be silent the entire walk. Severus doubted he had cut his tongue out to avoid conversation, but it did seem like the sort of thing Black might do so he didn’t entirely rule out the possibility. However, the fact that Black had helped Lydia for some reason had been weighing heavily on his mind, so regardless of the fact that Black seemed entirely unwilling to speak to anyone he decided to thank him anyway. Being thankful was a nice thing and he should express it more, that was what Lily always told him, so he was going to do so whether Black wanted it or not. He felt he was getting quite good at the whole being nice thing. Besides, he was feeling bizarrely affectionate towards Black, and speaking to him about something was a good distraction from how incredibly handsome he was in the daylight. 

“Mr Black, thank you for everything you did to help my silly little sister Lydia, I am very grateful,” he paused then added, “Lydia is really rubbish at keeping secrets… She accidentally told me… But no one else…”

He wasn’t entirely certain if that was particularly reassuring given that Lydia could very well accidentally spill the secret to anyone at any moment, but for the moment at least Black’s involvement was mostly a secret. It was just a matter of time, though Severus decided to keep his opinions on how impossible it was for Lydia to keep a secret to himself. 

Black hesitated for a moment before speaking, “There’s no need for gratitude. I didn’t think of your family when I acted, only of you…”

There was briefly a slightly awkward paused, where Black looked at Severus uncertainly and Severus found himself noticing that Black really did have quite attractive eyes.

“You are too kind to trifle with me,” Black said suddenly, “If your feelings are the same as they were last spring please tell me now. My feelings have not changed,”

Severus walked on for a moment, both of them in silence, carefully considering the question. He disliked admitting to affectionate feelings, but he was aware that he no longer hated Black. He no longer disliked Black either. He felt gratitude towards him, he felt a degree of admiration which was quite confusing. He considered him to be good looking. He wasn’t certain if he would leap to describe it as love, but he was willing to consider it. There was potential.

“I think…” he said slowly, “My feelings have changed from what they were…”

Black had changed, just as he had. Severus could imagine them actually getting on and having entertaining conversations in the future. It was a pleasant idea, and one that made him smile. He smiled for the rest of the walk, which probably worried some of the villagers as he was not usually known for smiling a lot. But he was happy, happy enough to smile, for the first time ever looking forward to a future. He had no doubt that Black would sometimes annoy him and that he would make unnecessarily sarcastic remarks, but in a way they had both proved that they could overcome issues like that. Black loved him despite having been on the receiving end of some of his insults, so that meant he knew exactly what he would be getting. He would be getting a prickly, sarcastic bride and he would somehow still love him.

When he told Lily, later that night, she found it hard to believe him, but as he explained to her that he was in fact deadly serious, he also found himself using words he never thought he would. He almost surprised himself with his fervent defence of Black and his feelings for him, stating almost without realising it that he actually loved him despite all his actions having previously suggested otherwise. He had changed to be a slightly more kind and understanding person, willing to give people second chances just like Lily. He had changed into someone who had fallen in love with Black and was actively looking forward to his wedding. He smiled as he lay down in bed, closing his eyes briefly with a happy sigh, looking forward to the future.

He opened his eyes again, smile still on his face. Around him was the familiar hush of the Hogwarts library, before him was a book of poetry he had almost forgotten about. He sighed happily, still caught up in his warm feelings even as the memories of his present as a student at Hogwarts took precedence over the memories of Longbourn, though not overwriting them. Maybe, he thought dreamily, maybe what Black had said about the Whomping Willow wasn’t a trap after all. He should trust him, follow his instructions and meet him there. He wasn’t all bad, there was something good lurking beneath the exterior. He knew that with a certainty now. He knew too that would find more happiness by being willing to forgive and give people second chances. First impressions could be misleading. He smiled happily, hopeful of the night to come.


End file.
